Everyone has problems. No Debbie Downer message here, just a fact. Sometimes a problem comes to you. Sometimes it comes from you. You may feel helpless and out of control. Here’s the good news part. You get to choose the “Now, what?” that comes next. Some folks find constructive ways to deal, while others are destructive in their choices. Therein lies the choice part. There’s the take back your power part.

While not all problems are solvable, they are all manageable. There’s a solution available that is workable no matter the problem. You get to decide what works for you. I have seen people come up with ways to deal with a problem that I wouldn’t choose for myself, but it worked for them. It met their expectations. That’s the goal, right? You don’t want someone else to dictate what’s right for your life. Deep in your gut you know that already. You’re looking for someone to help you clarify your options and put a plan in motion to get through the difficulty. You need help coping while that happens. That’s my calling and my purpose.

Here is my one and only rule for problem solving; Always say the problem, not my problem. 

Words are sacred, if you honor their intended meaning. They have great power. You have the ability to wield them for harm or good. If you claim a problem as your own, you have bestowed it with abilities. Take the sting from a problem by separating from it.

Don’t claim the problem. Don’t let it claim you. It will seep deep down within you and grow like kudzu. If you know about kudzu, you’re familiar with the climbing, clinging vine that grows thick and invasively covers and smothers everything in its path. Whatever it grows on becomes buried beneath. If you don’t know about it search online, and you’ll see huge green leaves on twisted vines. Once they have a hold, they don’t let go.

If you allow it, a problem will overtake you so completely that after a while, you will no longer recognize who you are without it. 

This is the first skill of coping, and it’s simple.

Resist the temptation to declare ownership of any problem. So often people will say my weight problem, my cancer, my addiction, my depression, my OCD. Instead, neutralize the problem with the word the. Each time you use that word power, you become stronger against the hold a problem has on your life.

Listen to you! You just added an effective coping skill to your problem-solving arsenal.