When you are feeling raw from a difficulty you question why it hurts so much. Why do some people handle problems better than others? What good can come of going through this?

First, recognize that those are actually very constructive questions. Good for you for asking. It means you’ve already taken a step toward insight and understanding. Both are crucial for coping through a problem.

Problems are like fingerprints. Each person has a unique set of coping skills based on their experiences. That’s why you may react differently than someone else when faced with a particular problem that might appear to be the same. You use what you have in your skill set. You determine the size of your set.

Take a moment to think about how your emotions relate to the experiences you’ve had in your life. How you felt in a situation served as the barometer for your response. Once you connect the two, you can begin to manage the stress a problem causes by choosing between the knee-jerk or the most favorable response.

This is where the insight you’re seeking begins to come into focus. It can come in an aha moment, or it may come to you in a slow flow that guides you to understanding. When you look for it, you’ll find it.

This is the beginning of one of the most potent superpowers of the human soul. Resilience. 

Like all human attributes, resilience comes easier for some than for others. But it’s not finite. It’s not limited to only some people. It’s yours to possess once you acknowledge the factors that affect your resilience level.

Your legacy of what you witnessed your parents or guardians do or didn’t do to cope with problems comes into play, as well as your own emotional wiring tendencies for drama or calm. Your age and phase of life, your relationships, your finances, your responsibilities, and your dreams and goals matter. Insight into those filters that affect the lens of your worldview will help you discover ways to increase your tolerance for difficulty.

Your experiences build resilience. Failures and disappointments are like weights to lift. Repeated resistance builds muscle. You build resilience as you bear more weight each time a difficulty arises. Then an emotional memory muscle develops that will serve you every time you call upon it. 

When something presents as a problem, stop and think of all the times you have managed difficulty in the past. Reflect on the reality that you have made it through before, and you will again.

Think also of ways things you thought were a problem in the past turned out to be blessings. Stick with me here, I know this sounds tough when you’re hurting or confused, but you know there have been times that problems worked out for your good. That person left you, but it made room in your life for the right one. You didn’t get the promotion, but staying where you were positioned you for the perfect job later on. The disappointment that nearly broke you turned your life around and pointed you in the right direction.

This is the practical form of positivity. Make it tangible in your mind and use it to help you see past the present pain or discomfort and visualize a better future beyond.

Take it further and give resilience a shape in your mind. A shield, a light saber, a moat around your castle, whatever says protection to you. Resilience is your barrier between you and the negatives of the world.

You can do this. 

Even if the situation can’t be resolved in this moment because of someone else or some circumstance that requires more time, you can do something right now to position yourself with strength.

Victory by victory, success by success apply the coping skills you are honing and bind them together to make a force field of resilience around you.